"I'm Not Enough!"'
I woke up this morning thinking...Hmm it's time to write another blog. What shall I write about? Come to the computer, start to check emails, and in the background YouTube is playing. 'Oh that's interesting,' I thought 'that's not happened before. I'd better listen. There must be a message for me there.'
Oh Boy!!! This is the title...The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity: “I’m Not Enough" by Marisa Peer. The theme of my life! A couple of days ago my sister forwarded a photograph of me that a school friend had sent. He and I had come to Israel at the same time and went to a kibbutz where we 'learned' Hebrew. Actually learned very little Hebrew - learned many other things...
The more I look at this picture, I realise how I had no idea at all how beautiful and THIN I was. It's not by chance that I received this picture now to remind me to finally get off the tricycle of my childhood that I've been riding on in circles for so long. I've changed 180 degrees, moved from tragic to magic and pieces to peace, but there are still some 'negative not enough' thoughts that I've not yet cleared - mostly around my weight - wanted to add money but since I wrote my last blog things are really changing here. I'm so much more aware of my thoughts around money and it's showing in that I've given more healing sessions this past week than most other weeks since I've moved to be closer to my grandchildren...have also sold more of
My Dream Pillow kits than any other week...so something has shifted!!!
I always felt and thought 'not good enough', 'thin enough', 'beautiful enough', 'clever enough' etc etc....and I did think constantly: "I'm fat." Look at that picture of me on the tricycle and I was telling myself over and over, "I'm fat"!!! Guess what happened eventually?...The only way my thin and gorgeous body could fulfil my thoughts was by screwing up my thyroid and today I'm fat!' Happy and fat! The happy part did not come easily. In fact, depression was more of a reality...even suicide was often contemplated...and thank goodness, not succesfully acted upon....will share more of this in another blog...
I'm recalling that around the age of eight, I got new shoes. They were shiny, cream colored and looked so 'grown up'- had no straps! I was excited beyond measure. I hopped onto my red bicycle and rode to Joan, who lived two streets away, wanting to show off my new 'grown up' shoes. I peddled fast up the driveway...so excited to share my joy...and smashed into the wall! That was the last time I rode a bicycle and I'm now 64!!! Going to take this on as a challenge for 2017. Now that my life is more in balance, perhaps I will succeed!
So now I have no doubt why I wrote 'My Dream Pillow - Think Good Thoughts that Create Good Things' - this has been my life lesson - to know that I'm good enough and that my thoughts create my reality. Things I wish I'd know as a child and had to learn so I can pass it on to others. May we always know that we are 'Good Enough'and may we pass this on to our children and grandchildren thus creating a better and more peaceful world. Worth listening to that You Tube of Marisa Peer.
Wishing you a wonder full week of love, light and laughter.